Lost

I had such high hopes when I started this blog. It was supposed to be an organized compilation of pictures, stories, thoughts, and insights. Not necessarily just about my life, but life in general. I felt like I had meaningful things to say, and blogging seemed like a perfect outlet. But I have been becoming disenchanted - with myself.

I read other blogs and I am riveted. Most of the bloggers are moms like me. Most of them stay at home. So why are their lives more interesting? Are they better storytellers? Do they have more profound experiences? They have things other than motherhood to talk about. Not that motherhood is bad, but they have separate identities. They have opinions. They are educated regarding politics, global news, and environmental issues. They know something more than what shampoo works best for fine hair, or which bottle brush is best for cleaning baby bottles.

When I was young and naive, (in my 20's), I imagined I would be different at this age. I don't exactly know how, but I would be different. I always imagined myself having 3-4 children, being a stay-at-home mom, with a successful husband. Well, I have all that, so why am I not satisfied with who I am?

It feels like in the process of becoming a wife and a mother, I have somehow lost who I am. I am not trying to diminish the importance of being a wife or a mother. I know there is no greater calling than being a mother. But can't all three identities co-exist? Can't there be Wife, Mom, and Jenni? And can't they ALL be fabulous? How can I be a super wife when I spend so much of my time trying to be a great mom? And if I am so busy being the fantastic wife and mom, how could I possibly be the best Jenni?

So for all three people, including my mother, that actually read this blog, forgive me for not posting. Maybe I'll come thru this little slump fresher and more directed. New. Vibrant. But for now, I'm ok. I am just a little lost.