Lost

I had such high hopes when I started this blog. It was supposed to be an organized compilation of pictures, stories, thoughts, and insights. Not necessarily just about my life, but life in general. I felt like I had meaningful things to say, and blogging seemed like a perfect outlet. But I have been becoming disenchanted - with myself.

I read other blogs and I am riveted. Most of the bloggers are moms like me. Most of them stay at home. So why are their lives more interesting? Are they better storytellers? Do they have more profound experiences? They have things other than motherhood to talk about. Not that motherhood is bad, but they have separate identities. They have opinions. They are educated regarding politics, global news, and environmental issues. They know something more than what shampoo works best for fine hair, or which bottle brush is best for cleaning baby bottles.

When I was young and naive, (in my 20's), I imagined I would be different at this age. I don't exactly know how, but I would be different. I always imagined myself having 3-4 children, being a stay-at-home mom, with a successful husband. Well, I have all that, so why am I not satisfied with who I am?

It feels like in the process of becoming a wife and a mother, I have somehow lost who I am. I am not trying to diminish the importance of being a wife or a mother. I know there is no greater calling than being a mother. But can't all three identities co-exist? Can't there be Wife, Mom, and Jenni? And can't they ALL be fabulous? How can I be a super wife when I spend so much of my time trying to be a great mom? And if I am so busy being the fantastic wife and mom, how could I possibly be the best Jenni?

So for all three people, including my mother, that actually read this blog, forgive me for not posting. Maybe I'll come thru this little slump fresher and more directed. New. Vibrant. But for now, I'm ok. I am just a little lost.

For Uncle Dave

We love Uncle Dave for many reasons. But Ethan really loves Dave because he drives big trucks. This is Ethan's way of saying, "Appreciate ya!"

We love you and miss you!

Who's The Boss?

Recently I was reminded that sometimes I am clearly not the boss in this house. Every morning I get the kids their juice and cereal. Yesterday I wasn't quick enough, I guess. Ethan scolded me, "Get off the couch, Mom, and get me some juice." After a stern look from mom, he quickly added, "Please." This is the look he gave me...

I get this look a lot. He really has mastered it. And quite honestly, I am kind of getting sick of it. Not because of his defiance, but because it works. I can never stay mad. Just look at those big brown eyes. I melt!

On Your Mark, Get Set...

It is inevitable. Whenever it is time to walk out the door and leave the house, my boys always poop. It is as if some signal goes off in their head when they hear the words "go get in the car." It automatically triggers their bowels into action. And if by some twist of fate it doesn't happen when we are walking out the door, they save it for later. A pre-dinner activity. I imagine someday I will walk in and see them having a little pow wow in the corner. This is how their conversation might go...

Ethan: Ok, Ben. Let's pencil in our poop times today. How does 9am and 4pm sound?

Ben: Hmm, 4pm is not good for me. Let's push it back an hour and do 5pm - just when Mom is getting dinner ready. She'll love that.

Ethan: Great idea, Ben! You are new to this, but you have already learned so much. Well done. Now, when is a good time for tantrums?

Sleeping Patterns

Since he has been sick, Ethan will fall asleep just about anywhere...

I'm no Emeril, but come on. My cooking has never put anyone to sleep before.

City Center

The new City Center is amazing. I don't think I will ever be able to shop there, but it was fun to walk through.

(What is it with those looks?)

Anatomically Correct

While we were in Las Vegas we did manage to get out a couple times before Olivia got really sick. The first time we decided to meet Doug at Caesar's Palace where he was preparing for the hair show. I don't think casinos were designed to be stroller-friendly. It was impossible to navigate through there. After 30 minutes of unsuccessfully trying to find Doug, I stopped to call him in a shopping area. I pressed the numbers then looked up in frustration only to find a very large and very naked statue of The David. Just what I needed! I wrangled up the kids and moved to a different area, just hoping they didn't notice because I knew the kind of questions that would follow. We eventually found Doug, and the children seemed unaffected by our run-in with good old Dave... until three days later.

Doug had to pick something up at the front desk the morning we left. We pulled up to the front and Olivia replied, "I hope we don't have to go in there. I really don't want to walk around again. And I definitely don't want to have to see that man's bum and penis!" Nothing gets past her.

Las Vegas

Doug has been out of town for the last month. So we decided that we would go with him for one of his trips to Las Vegas. I had such high hopes. I had places to go, people to see, and things to eat. Admittedly I was most excited about the things to eat. Is that bad? Reno's restaurant options leave a little to be desired - literally. So I had my time in Las Vegas all planned out according to my food itinerary. Lunches at Chipotle, Panera, and Cafe Rio. Dinners at Lucille's, Cheesecake Factory, and CPK. It sounded wonderful. My mouth watered the entire drive there. Until...the cough started.

Shortly after we arrived Monday night Olivia started coughing. I dismissed it because the kids have all had a lingering cough since November. But in the wee hours of the morning her wheezing woke me up. For the next four days Olivia battled a cough, runny nose, fever, chills, fatigue, and loss of appetite. But it was the cough that worried me. Poor Olivia was so sick and so wiped out. Needless to say, my eating plans were quickly forgotten. As were all our other plans. We did manage to get pictures taken of the kids.

My friend Stacie takes the best pictures. I have been wanting to have her do pictures forever, and she is moving in June so I felt this urgency to get them done. So I dragged the kids out one day to have pictures done. Probably not the best idea. Olivia was fine at first, but she quickly lost her steam. The winds picked up, the temperatures dropped, and so did Olivia. Stacie did a great job thru it all, coaxing weak smiles out of Olivia. I feel major guilt for doing that to Olivia. Perhaps one day she will forgive me.

Much to my chagrin, Ethan started coughing Thursday. So we packed up and left Friday morning. Ethan and Olivia coughing and gagging - sharing the love and germs with baby brother in the back seat. They were put on breathing treatments Saturday. Now over a week later, Olivia is still coughing, but much better. Ethan is still pretty bad, and continuing treatments. And Ben, my little man, has it too. I feel so bad for all of them. When they cough it sounds like their lungs will fly out of their mouths. It just sounds painful. They have been sick since November. I am ready for winter to be over.

Not such a successful trip. But Daddy was a rockstar on stage at the hair show. He really is magic. Now if he could magically make us better!

Lessons in Decorating

The other morning when I went into Olivia's room I discovered that she hadn't just cleaned it. She had decorated it and thoughtfully placed her toys, instead of her normal throw-them-in-a-pile-and-call-it-clean routine.

These are her princess dolls on their "magic carpets"...

And these are her pets all fancy with a crown and bracelet...

Olivia offered her services to me too. I guess my room could use a little decorating.

Sleeping Buddy

This frog has been around a while. It was a good investment. As you can tell, it has been well loved. First, by Olivia...

And now by Ethan...

It's almost as if the frog is looking down on Ethan with a caring eye, trying to wrap his stubby arms around him. Perhaps Mr. Frog still has a few more years left in him to catch Ben in an impromptu slumber.

His Hands

I love his tiny hands. I see so much potential in his little hands. I wonder what his hands will do. Will they be the skilled hands of a surgeon? Will they be callused from heavy lifting and building? Will they have hair color on them like Daddy's?

Whatever his hands do, I hope they are like His hands.

I hope Ben's hands will skillfully dissect right from wrong, and that he will help lift others' burdens and build others up. There is so much power in those tiny hands.

Conversation With a Toddler #2

It has already started. She is slowly becoming me, using my logic and ultimatums:

Olivia: Mom, can I get on the computer?

Me: No. Not on Sunday.

Olivia: (with one hand one her hip and the other hand pointed at me) Either you let me get on the computer or I am going to go wake Ben up from his nap.

Me: Oh young one. You are learning quickly. Soon you will have control of the force. Don't give in to the dark side.

Ok. So I didn't really say that last part. But is it really supposed to start this soon? Isn't she supposed to be mastering how to ride a bike? Oops, she'd done that. Well, isn't she supposed to be learning imaginary play? She's mastered that too. I guess all that is left is Ultimatums 101. At least she has the best teacher.